Elven Scam Letters

On one of the loops I follow, one of my list-mates complained that she has yet to receive a Nigerian scam letter. Not wanting her life to be lacking, I sent her this...

Blessings of the Huldre upon you, Miz Lezli!

You might think of me as the phallus-obsessed human female from Texas who occasionally posts smart-ass remarks and links to science articles on the resnick list. However, I have a confession to make, and I feel that I can only trust you, who I have never met in person, with this sensitive information.

I'm actually Brunhilde Tussefolk, former Head Librarian of the Elfhame Public Library and Second Lieutenant in the Valkyrie Reserves. I'm sure you've heard of the recent coup, wherein my half-sister Hildegard discredited my character through slanderous rumors and seized the Throne of All Knowledge for herself.

First, I wish to assure you that I would never do any such thing with a dragon, nor would I wear a chain mail bikini in public, and finally, I must assert that Ralph Roberts' conduct (and taste in fairy-lemans) is above reproach.

However, I've been forced to flee my homeland in scandal, with only my winged steed and the armor on my back. I plan to resettle in Australia, but I am unable to access the 12.5 million euros in my accounts (approximately 17.4 million AUD). If you would be so kind as to give your bank account number and other identifying information to the kobold who will drop by your residence next week, I will happily allow you to keep half of this money. In return, I ask only that you pass the other half on to me so that I may start my new life in your land of wallabees and walkabouts.

It's no use refusing, dear, as the kobold will come to visit regardless of your answer to this email.

Hail Woden, and his pretty grey pony Sleipnir!

Brunhilde

P.S. Unless dead leaves are also considered a viable currency in your country, it would be advisable that you withdraw the entire $17.4 million AUD from your bank account within 48 hours of the transfer being completed.